Loved listening to this. So many hard truths that were difficult to swallow for sooooooo many years…until the Universe staged several interventions….I’m a slow learner!!!
As I race towards 60 I’m finally starting to feel like I’m steering my own (art-filled) ship! ♥️
I hear you love. Took me quite a while too with several universal interventions being required. As the saying goes, we are not ready until we are ready. So glad your ship is full of art. Corinne's ark xxx
Love this, Corinne. Cant resist doing a high five with another ‘slow learner’. - it made me chuckle - and then stop and consider.
Something in me suspects that there may be a gift in the slowness - along the lines of being ready to receive, right place right time (however annoying it is thinking of what we might have done differently if we’d been quicker). But speaking for myself, it feels as though it’s lead to a place where you can handle what you discover and use it to fulfill a more intentional expression of yourself in this world. And seeing all that you’ve done in recent years (even with the limited sight of it I’ve had) I see a beautiful expression and shine that radiates out of you. Xx
Oh thank you so much for your kind words Anita. I absolutely agree that ‘slow learning’ is the right path for me. As Donna often says ‘trust in life’ and I do! So much lighter that way.
Thank you for your insights, Donna. I was so comfortable in my victimhood for a long time and when I was let down by partners etc that fed into and strengthened that internal narrative. A hefty dollop of depression in my late 30s set me on a healing journey in my 40s which was deeply uncomfortable at times but so so worth it. I feel deeply compassionate towards that version of myself now but very glad to have moved on and through. Thank you for the shared wisdom and lovely to see your happy (sweaty!) 😉 face. Much love 🌿🧡
Me and my sweaty face are smiling right back at you Kathryn and yes phew, what a relief not to play the victim anymore. Exhausting all that self pity and blame xxxxx
Oh my goodness, yes! I was so attached to my victimhood (talking about slow learners, I was the snail that rested along the way lol)
Then along came the (late again) grown up version of me and I learned I had to rise above my raising (sorry I can’t remember who that quote belongs to, but boy is it powerful)
I have spent too many years waiting to be saved then resenting the people I had chosen for the job, without them even knowing they had been appointed the position of saviour!!!
It’s only recently that I’ve fully accepted that I’m the only person that can do that job. I didn’t expect to find so much relief, joy, freedom and power in doing so.
It’s an interesting place to be at this later stage of my life and I love it.
Very timely (surprise surprise), Donna. Struck by the part of staying energetically attached. What’s coming up for me is not so much an attachment to the person/situation that hurt me, but to the energy of the fear that things will just be the same if I go back into that situation. The reminder about taking no responsibility for my life in this area is very soothing to this fear and a prompt I’m going to get curious around, recognising at the same time the limits of my responsibility to avoid having unrealistic expectations around how me taking responsibility will mean a situation will be different or change. So helpful right now for me to have heard and digested this and written this comment. And allowing myself to look for support in breaking this energetic attachment. ❤️
Ooo dragging your dad around, resonated so hard. Mine was all about proving him wrong, trying to get him to be proud of me. I was desperate to earn more than him, when I did it still felt empty. I just kept striving on and on and doing more, more, more to make him notice. He didn’t because he couldn’t/can’t.
There’s still a little part of me that can’t stop trying. I pour that it into helping him make his way through the last years of his life in the most supportive way I can without losing myself. I don’t always succeed but I practice being better at forgiving myself and him now. Xx
ooh yes I remember that one too Sarah, trying to get my dad to be proud of me. Nothing like a teenage pregnancy (in my case) to destroy that dream! Lol. Self sabotage at its best. Such a relief that we can carry these wounds and any related ego stories more lightly these days...and forgiving ourselves when we can't. Freedom xx
Loved this, brilliant and insightful ❤️ Never really thought about the victimhood / entitlement connection but it’s so true - and so visible all around now you say it. Thank you, as always, for sharing, so nice to watch, listen and learn 🤗🥰 xx
Thank you! That answered my question about the power within the victim state. I well understand the hold of an addictive pull and the resulting illusions of control. I feel a lot lighter around my mother of late and much resentment has fallen away, but my sister is deep in it playing an exhausting blame game. So I would also ask what we do when we are on the other side of the blame?
Glad to hear you have moved beyond blame Susan and feel the lightness from doing so. Regarding your question...you know the drill...tell me what your wisdom says about 'what we do on the other side of blame'? Then I'll answer xx
Having slept on this, my wisdom says: let go of a cosy idea of sharing our mother’s death. Accept that she doesn’t like me or approve of me and sit with the discomfort of that. Finally let go of any blame that I have towards her for not doing any inner work at all ever!
Nothing like a good(ish) sleep for the ol' wisdom to flow eh Susan? 'Cosy ideas' are for films, books and fairy tales I believe. I would add a (rhetorical) question of if it is true that your mother doesn't like you? How can she dislike who she doesn't know? isn't it more likely that she projects onto you all the disowned and rejected shadowy parts of herself? As for the blame about not doing any inner work....how old is she?? The generation of personal development? I think not. Look at us in our 50's plus and having done work, perhaps still wrestling with letting go of blame....She didn't stand a chance. As a fellow Elder we both know, our work is to Love 'others' even though....xxx
Although what you say could apply to both, I had jumped mid post to my sister and it’s my sister that I think doesn’t like me. She is 66 today and seemingly has no inclination to do any inner work and that is where I struggle with blame/frustration. We had been doing quite well organising my mother‘s affairs and sharing the load but of late this has broken down. Anyway, tomorrow I have a chance to start over 🌞
aah I see susan. Luckily you don't appear to have been the one in your family to wallow in victimhood and resist healing. Lucky for you that your sister agreed to taken on that role instead, so you didn't have to. Phew. What a gift xxx
This really resonated with me! I spent much of my teens and early twenties feeling confused about the actions of my parents and lived in a victimhood state because they didn't put me first. Now I have grown through that, and I see that they are just people who became parents, who didn't have the tools. But what do you do if it's your mum in a victimhood state, constantly blaming other people and external factors for the way her life has gone, chasing diagnosis after diagnosis to avoid doing the real inner work? Exhausting xx
So glad to hear you have grown into a new phase Beth and as for your question about your mother's victim path....what does your wisdom tell you about that? Tell me that and then ill share my own view xx
It tells me that she is simply not in a position to look inside because she is unhealed. And that it's not up to me to fix her suffering, but I wish I could and it leaves me feeling stuck xx
how wise you are dear Beth. You only feel stuck because you are not listening to your wisdom on this. How about you accept and Love her just as she is, whilst maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself? Isn't that what we all long for ultimately? To be accepted and loved even though....? I know I do. xx Ps. it's not only not up to you to 'fix her'....you can't. It's not your job. xx
Loved listening to this. So many hard truths that were difficult to swallow for sooooooo many years…until the Universe staged several interventions….I’m a slow learner!!!
As I race towards 60 I’m finally starting to feel like I’m steering my own (art-filled) ship! ♥️
I hear you love. Took me quite a while too with several universal interventions being required. As the saying goes, we are not ready until we are ready. So glad your ship is full of art. Corinne's ark xxx
So true! Corinne’s Ark ♥️
Love this, Corinne. Cant resist doing a high five with another ‘slow learner’. - it made me chuckle - and then stop and consider.
Something in me suspects that there may be a gift in the slowness - along the lines of being ready to receive, right place right time (however annoying it is thinking of what we might have done differently if we’d been quicker). But speaking for myself, it feels as though it’s lead to a place where you can handle what you discover and use it to fulfill a more intentional expression of yourself in this world. And seeing all that you’ve done in recent years (even with the limited sight of it I’ve had) I see a beautiful expression and shine that radiates out of you. Xx
beautiful words Anita and here's to the slow learners amongst us! It was indeed the tortoise who won the race I believe. 'What race??' Loving you xxx
Oh thank you so much for your kind words Anita. I absolutely agree that ‘slow learning’ is the right path for me. As Donna often says ‘trust in life’ and I do! So much lighter that way.
All love to you ♥️
Thank you for your insights, Donna. I was so comfortable in my victimhood for a long time and when I was let down by partners etc that fed into and strengthened that internal narrative. A hefty dollop of depression in my late 30s set me on a healing journey in my 40s which was deeply uncomfortable at times but so so worth it. I feel deeply compassionate towards that version of myself now but very glad to have moved on and through. Thank you for the shared wisdom and lovely to see your happy (sweaty!) 😉 face. Much love 🌿🧡
Me and my sweaty face are smiling right back at you Kathryn and yes phew, what a relief not to play the victim anymore. Exhausting all that self pity and blame xxxxx
Oh my goodness, yes! I was so attached to my victimhood (talking about slow learners, I was the snail that rested along the way lol)
Then along came the (late again) grown up version of me and I learned I had to rise above my raising (sorry I can’t remember who that quote belongs to, but boy is it powerful)
I have spent too many years waiting to be saved then resenting the people I had chosen for the job, without them even knowing they had been appointed the position of saviour!!!
It’s only recently that I’ve fully accepted that I’m the only person that can do that job. I didn’t expect to find so much relief, joy, freedom and power in doing so.
It’s an interesting place to be at this later stage of my life and I love it.
Thank you Donna ❤️
Yes Elaine! Such a relief to recognise we are our own saviour. Snails are us xxx
Very timely (surprise surprise), Donna. Struck by the part of staying energetically attached. What’s coming up for me is not so much an attachment to the person/situation that hurt me, but to the energy of the fear that things will just be the same if I go back into that situation. The reminder about taking no responsibility for my life in this area is very soothing to this fear and a prompt I’m going to get curious around, recognising at the same time the limits of my responsibility to avoid having unrealistic expectations around how me taking responsibility will mean a situation will be different or change. So helpful right now for me to have heard and digested this and written this comment. And allowing myself to look for support in breaking this energetic attachment. ❤️
thank you xx
Thank you Donna. Very helpful and insightful.
Ooo dragging your dad around, resonated so hard. Mine was all about proving him wrong, trying to get him to be proud of me. I was desperate to earn more than him, when I did it still felt empty. I just kept striving on and on and doing more, more, more to make him notice. He didn’t because he couldn’t/can’t.
There’s still a little part of me that can’t stop trying. I pour that it into helping him make his way through the last years of his life in the most supportive way I can without losing myself. I don’t always succeed but I practice being better at forgiving myself and him now. Xx
ooh yes I remember that one too Sarah, trying to get my dad to be proud of me. Nothing like a teenage pregnancy (in my case) to destroy that dream! Lol. Self sabotage at its best. Such a relief that we can carry these wounds and any related ego stories more lightly these days...and forgiving ourselves when we can't. Freedom xx
Loved this, brilliant and insightful ❤️ Never really thought about the victimhood / entitlement connection but it’s so true - and so visible all around now you say it. Thank you, as always, for sharing, so nice to watch, listen and learn 🤗🥰 xx
Glad you enjoyed it Tina and you're so welcome. Thank you as always for your support of my work xx
Oof, so good. <3
Aww thanks for watching my love xx
Thank you! That answered my question about the power within the victim state. I well understand the hold of an addictive pull and the resulting illusions of control. I feel a lot lighter around my mother of late and much resentment has fallen away, but my sister is deep in it playing an exhausting blame game. So I would also ask what we do when we are on the other side of the blame?
Glad to hear you have moved beyond blame Susan and feel the lightness from doing so. Regarding your question...you know the drill...tell me what your wisdom says about 'what we do on the other side of blame'? Then I'll answer xx
Having slept on this, my wisdom says: let go of a cosy idea of sharing our mother’s death. Accept that she doesn’t like me or approve of me and sit with the discomfort of that. Finally let go of any blame that I have towards her for not doing any inner work at all ever!
Nothing like a good(ish) sleep for the ol' wisdom to flow eh Susan? 'Cosy ideas' are for films, books and fairy tales I believe. I would add a (rhetorical) question of if it is true that your mother doesn't like you? How can she dislike who she doesn't know? isn't it more likely that she projects onto you all the disowned and rejected shadowy parts of herself? As for the blame about not doing any inner work....how old is she?? The generation of personal development? I think not. Look at us in our 50's plus and having done work, perhaps still wrestling with letting go of blame....She didn't stand a chance. As a fellow Elder we both know, our work is to Love 'others' even though....xxx
Although what you say could apply to both, I had jumped mid post to my sister and it’s my sister that I think doesn’t like me. She is 66 today and seemingly has no inclination to do any inner work and that is where I struggle with blame/frustration. We had been doing quite well organising my mother‘s affairs and sharing the load but of late this has broken down. Anyway, tomorrow I have a chance to start over 🌞
aah I see susan. Luckily you don't appear to have been the one in your family to wallow in victimhood and resist healing. Lucky for you that your sister agreed to taken on that role instead, so you didn't have to. Phew. What a gift xxx
This really resonated with me! I spent much of my teens and early twenties feeling confused about the actions of my parents and lived in a victimhood state because they didn't put me first. Now I have grown through that, and I see that they are just people who became parents, who didn't have the tools. But what do you do if it's your mum in a victimhood state, constantly blaming other people and external factors for the way her life has gone, chasing diagnosis after diagnosis to avoid doing the real inner work? Exhausting xx
So glad to hear you have grown into a new phase Beth and as for your question about your mother's victim path....what does your wisdom tell you about that? Tell me that and then ill share my own view xx
It tells me that she is simply not in a position to look inside because she is unhealed. And that it's not up to me to fix her suffering, but I wish I could and it leaves me feeling stuck xx
how wise you are dear Beth. You only feel stuck because you are not listening to your wisdom on this. How about you accept and Love her just as she is, whilst maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself? Isn't that what we all long for ultimately? To be accepted and loved even though....? I know I do. xx Ps. it's not only not up to you to 'fix her'....you can't. It's not your job. xx
Thank you so much Donna. This means a lot to me xx
Hi Donna. Thanks for sharing this. I really resonated with lots of what you said. So grateful 🙏 x