The Six Tent Pegs

Staying Tethered in Stormy Weather

Sometimes it can feel as if we are being battered about by life events. Like the summer of our life is a very distant memory and a cold, wet and stormy winter has well and truly arrived. Perhaps a relationship ends, an illness wipes us out, or someone we love dies. Maybe we leave our job and the security and safety it offered us, or we simply feel exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed with it all. Regardless of the details, we all experience periods like this, which can leave us feeling lost, uncertain, anxious and afraid. It is at times like these when we need to return to the essential underpinnings that keep us grounded and in balance, so that we can hold ourselves steady within the storm, until Spring arrives again, (which it always does).

I like to use the metaphor of a tent and its pegs, to highlight the basic needs we must meet during turbulent times, so that we can stay tethered and grounded. If we don’t have our tent pegs firmly fixed into the earth, then we, just like an untethered tent, will either collapse in a storm, or indeed blow away. Each tent peg represents a simple and yet essential requirement for building a firm foundation and developing strong inner resources and resilience to weather the storms of life. 

So here they are:

TENT PEG ONE - SLEEP
No surprises here but making sure we get enough rest and sleep is key to our wellbeing. Even a couple of bad nights can leave us feeling out of sorts. Not always easy if you have young kids I know but creating a sleep preparation routine can be helpful to support your mind and body to switch off and relax. The preparation includes turning off all gadgets at least an hour before bedtime and keeping them out of the bedroom. Dimming the lights, a warm bath, listening to soothing music or guided meditations and regular bed and wake up times are all helpful. I’m also a big fan of the weighted blanket and white noise machine. Magnesium is a great supplement to support sleep too. Sweet dreams! 

TENT PEG TWO – EXERCISE & MOVEMENT
Again no big surprises here. We all know exercise is such a key part of building our own strong foundations, especially in such sedentary times. Many of us spend hours in front of screens with sitting described as 'the new smoking' by The World Health Organisation, so get up, get active, get moving. Even if you simply put on some music and shake your body for five minutes, you will feel the difference in your energy levels. There are so many online gym, Qi Gong and yoga classes now, so no excuses! Dancing is also a great workout. Find what works for you and commit to it. Regular movement throughout the day is key. Set your watch to ensure you get up and stretch at least every hour. Schedule in daily walks (in the morning if possible) or runs, alongside your other exercise routine. 

TENT PEG THREE - NUTRITION
A simple reminder of the importance of nutrition in helping to sustain a holistically healthy life. There is a lot of new research showing how depression and anxiety can stem in part from the gut. So, if this is an area of your life you struggle with in terms of self care, do consider working with a nutritionist, or there's some great books and free online guidance to get you on track. Also, a reminder that nutrition extends beyond food to all areas of your life. Ask yourself how nutritious are your relationships, your choices, reading, scrolling and your thoughts? What do you need to do differently here? 

TENT PEG FOUR - CONNECTION AND SOLITUDE
As humans we need a mixture of connection with others alongside time by ourselves in solitude. Some of us tend to be more naturally social types whilst others tend to be more ‘loners’, but we do need a bit of both. Time to reach out and connect and time to bring our energy back towards ourselves. Alone not lonely. Finding a good balance helps support our mental and emotional well-being. Connection also extends to the natural world (see peg 5) and to your ‘higher power', whatever this means to you. Connecting on a deeper level to that something, which is bigger than your own egoic mind.

TENT PEG FIVE - NATURE & ANIMALS
Check with yourself how much time you are spending in nature. If there is a particular aspect you are drawn to, like the ocean or the mountains, go there as frequently as you can. It's so important to connect to the earth through walking amongst trees, on grass, by the ocean or in the mountains. If this isn't easy for you as a city dweller, find little ways to connect, like walking through the park or sitting by the river. Barefoot if you can. Also bring more of nature into your home with plants, water features and flowers etc. We ARE nature and we belong amongst it. If you like animals, find ways to spend more time with them too. Walk a friend’s dog, feed the ducks, cuddle a cat, whatever is needed to help you connect.

TENT PEG SIX: CREATIVITY & PLAY
It is so important to maintain our curiosity and wonder at the wider world. To explore and express ourselves creatively, finding ways to play and have fun in life. It is said that creativity is how your soul speaks, so do make sure yours has a voice! Remember what you used to love to do as a child? Sing, dance, draw, write, paint, build, perform, whatever is true. No doubt this will be something you still enjoy. So, make time for creative expression, book a dance class, paint a picture, sing in the shower, write a poem. Whatever brings you more alive, do it. Carve out time each day for fun and play. Weave lightness and silliness into your approach to life. Make sure you laugh lots and try not to take yourself too seriously! 

That’s it.
If you keep all 6 of your tent pegs well and truly fixed into the earth, you will find you can pretty much weather any storm. Of course, it doesn’t mean that it will be easy or comfortable in the stormy phases, but that you will remain tethered, grounded, and will not collapse and blow away!

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The Bridge Book - Introduction: Everybody Hurts Sometimes

“Face down on the floor in a ladies’ loo might seem like an unlikely place for personal transformation, but that’s where mine began.

The day I experienced my breakthrough began as a day like any other. I took my children to school and then drove to work, my mind already on my caseload. I was a social worker working in child protection and felt compelled to do everything I could to help vulnerable children. My mind would buzz day and night with their stories.

As I was parking my car that morning, I noticed my heart was beating very fast. My breathing was shallow and my palms were sweaty. What’s wrong with me? I thought impatiently. I haven’t got time for this. As I entered the building, I began to real- ise I was in serious trouble. I was sweating heavily, my heart was pounding and I felt really sick.

I stumbled into a staff toilet and locked the door. Pain flooded my chest. Was I having a heart attack? I sank to my knees and began to sob. I was terrified that I was going to die. (On a dirty toilet floor of all places. Oh, the glamour.) Pain coursed through my whole body and tears poured out for what seemed like hours. Eventually I lay face down and surrendered to my fate.

I don’t know how long I was lying there for, but eventually the pain and tears subsided enough for me to stand up on my wobbly legs. I splashed water on my face and tried to work out what had just happened to me and what I should do now. Was I out of danger? I felt wired. There was no way I could work. I dragged myself out to my car, my whole being focused on my need to get home. I couldn’t think beyond that goal. I took some deep breaths and started the car. I set off. Very slowly.

I never went back to the office after that day. I was signed off sick for three months and eventually decided I could not return to social work. I didn’t realize it then but my transformation had begun. I had hit rock bottom. The only way from here was up.

In diagnostic terms it was a panic attack that I was suffering from that day, over twenty years ago now. But, in a way, my hunch about a heart attack was more accurate. My poor heart had been shattered so many times and so completely over the years. I was exhausted, burnt out and the cumulative weight of my unhappiness had become unbearable. Although my mind had refused to acknowledge this devastating truth, my body found a way to make me feel it.

Although this experience was agonising at the time, it was also my way out of the half-life of the walking wounded that I’d been existing in for the best part of thirty years. I didn’t know it then but I had found an opening, a portal to a very different way of living, right there in the darkness of my pain. It took courage (heavily laced with desperation) to decide to crawl through it and begin my journey towards the life I live today. Which, let me be clear, is not all sunshine and rainbows, but is most definitely a life of authenticity, lightness and truth where I do not pretend to feel or be something I am not. This is my version of a wholehearted life. My deepest hope is that this book will enable you to discover your own.”

Excerpt from The Bridge Book by Donna Lancaster

Published by Penguin Life, July 2022, with the paperback being released (including a new cover) on 4th July 2024. (UK).

You can preorder a copy via this link: The Bridge book (Thank you!)

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A Recipe for Joy

Melissa Hemsley and I will be returning to the Happy Place Festival in Chiswick, London on Saturday 13^th July to deliver our delicious workshop called ‘A Recipe for Joy’. Together we will be offering you the essential ‘ingredients’ to create a life filled with more joy, laughter, lightness and satisfaction.

There will also be an opportunity for a Q&A with Melissa and myself, and to connect and share ingredients with other budding 'Joy Chefs'. (No cooking required!).

WARNING - This workshop may positively affect your wellbeing with spontaneous bursts of giggles, a natural flow of more joy and heart based connections being the possible side effects of your participation.

Come join us! Tickets are limited and they sold out very quickly last time, so booking early is advised Happy Place Festival

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And Finally….

Circle Training - connecting with each other through the wisdom and safety of circles.

Women have been gathering in circles for eons. To cook, eat, share, gossip, heal, awaken, giggle and connect. To laugh and cry together. Sharing their joys and challenges, their losses, grief, hopes and dreams, all together in a circle.

Most of us women naturally feel pulled towards circles, even if we don’t know why. We long to sit with like hearted souls and feel welcomed, included, accepted and that we belong. To feel home.

Circles are symbolic of the sacred and the divine. They represent cycles, inclusion, protection, safety, completion, and wholeness. The divine feminine in each of us calls us back to that place to which we belong. The circle.

During this Circle Training you will learn…

• The sacred meaning of circles

• How to set up circles and invite other women into this sacred space

• How to enter and leave the circle

• Simple rituals for healing and awakening

• What it means to ‘hold space’ and how to do it

• How to deeply listen (instead of waiting to speak)

• Using silence as medicine and singing as soul food.

• The importance of welcome, inclusion and belonging

• Navigating beginnings and endings

• How to ‘live in circle’

This training is for anyone who has ever wanted to host a circle, be that for family and friends around a fire in your garden, for your work with clients, or set up a local community support group. You do not need any previous experience to participate, just a willingness to learn and grow.

This training will be hosted by me and will be a blend of teachings and experiential, meaning you will get to practice with each other in circle as we go along. There will also be time and space for questions, shares and discussion.

All participants who successfully complete both days of the training will receive an in-house certificate of completion signed by Donna Lancaster.

Saturday 18th  & Sunday 19th May 2024, Ardingly, West Sussex

If you feel excited and/or nervous when reading this information, it’s a good sign that the circle is calling to you.

For further details and to book Circle Training

If finances are an issue and you need some support to attend, please do ask.

“The problem with the world is that we draw the circle of our family too small”

Mother Teresa