A Grandmother's Confession

The Gift of a Second Chance

A Grandmother at Work

In January 2016 at just 49 years old I became a grandmother. Initially I was blessed with my first grandson Louis, who was so keen to get here, he arrived 5 weeks early. It was love at first sight. Then followed darling Theo, arriving in November to further expand my heart and it’s capacity for Love. Finally along came baby Jax, who arrived during the early part of the pandemic in 2020. He was 2 weeks overdue and who could blame him for his reluctance to be born at that time?! So, now I find to my utter amazement that I am a grandmother to 3 boys from my 2 daughters! Precious gifts indeed. I am beyond grateful and blessed.

Over the last 8 years I have observed myself stepping into this role as a grandmother with ease and delight. To my surprise I find it fits me very well. Almost like I have been preparing for this role my whole life, which I guess in a way I have. When with my grandsons I notice how attentive, present, loving, playful, calm, adoring and patient I am, (most of the time). I have bonded deeply with them both and already see the twinkle in their eyes when they see me arrive. I'm aware now more than ever of how important my role is in the lives of these two young boys and the responsibilities of helping to raise ‘gentle-men’.  I see my role as that of a wise elder, teaching and guiding them, mirroring and being present for them, encouraging and supporting them, laughing and crying with them. It's a big job. And I'm more than ready for it.

Now......

I have also been reflecting upon how this drastically differs from my role as a young mother of my girls when they were small. I am sure they must sometimes look on in disbelief at my grandparenting abilities and wonder to themselves...'how come we never got that!?' And this is the painful truth of it all. They did not. For all of my joy and gratitude for these precious gifts, I am also very in touch with my grief. Grief at the mother I wasn't and what I was incapable of offering my own children when they were small. Grief at what they missed out on. Grief at what I missed out on. I was unavailable, there but not there most of their young lives. In truth, I barely remember raising my own children. I don't remember holidays, Christmases or birthdays. I don't remember first steps, first teeth, first days at school. It's like it never happened. I was so traumatised back then, so dissociated, and ruled by my own pain and dysfunction, that I sleepwalked through my life and theirs. I did the very best I could with what little I had to give, but my goodness do I feel the weight of the loss of all we missed out on.

Then and Now

Compassion

And although I have deep compassion for myself as a young traumatised mother of two, I still weep for the loss of their childhood to me. I grieve for the impact it had on my beautiful daughters and for their own pain of being raised by a half dead mother. I have long since apologised to them and made amends as best as any mother can. I know that I am unrecognisable from the mother I once was and that my daughters know and feel this. And yet still the sadness has its place in me, and I honour that. 

So I truly have been given the gift of a second chance you see?! Some might even call this gift, Grace. A precious opportunity to do it differently....to give, say and do for my grandsons what I was never able to do for my own daughters. And it is my belief that I am healing the past wounds for us all, through what I can now give, say and do. I am finally able to BE Love. I feel myself, my daughters and my grandsons all blossoming as a result of this. 

And If I close my eyes and get really still, I can even hear my ancestors cheering.....

---

Sometimes

Sometimes I hold my grandson in my arms and speak to him about kindness as the true superpower. I tell him stories about how our hearts open and expand with every kind thought, word and action. And that superheroes are secretly those with the biggest hearts hidden inside their bodies. How it is kindness and love that will ultimately save the world. 

Sometimes he even believes me.

Sometimes I also snap at him when we are both tired and overwhelmed. My wisdom temporarily leaves me and suddenly I’m back at 7 years old arguing with another 7 year old. I say the same silly things that were said to me long ago, like ‘Can you just do as you’re told?!’ My father’s negative legacy living on through me even now. 

But the difference is that I know how to show and say sorry, and mean it. I sometimes cry big tears of liquid love as a deeper kind of apology. Breaking those negative family cycles one tear, one sorry and one new behaviour at a time. I make a vow each day that I will do better as a grandmother, a mother and a human being…. and then I do. 

Sometimes.

#wordsbydonnalancaster 

“Do the best you can until you know better.

Then, when you know better, do better.”

Maya Angelou

Celebration Offer - 20% discount for a years subscription to my Substack

1000 SUBSCRIBERS 🥳

If you listened to the audio recording above you might have noticed that I said I have 100 subscribers, when it is in fact 1000! Whoop whoop. I am super excited about this milestone and wanted to thank each of you so much for being here and for your support of my work. 🙏🏾

To celebrate this amazing achievement I am offering a 20% discount for a year’s subscription to my newsletter. This works out at about £4 a month in total. Bargain! This offer will be available until 12th August so feel free to tell your friends and family. You can also gift a subscription to someone if you want to spread the love….

To take advantage of this offer use this link: Celebration Offer

Here’s some of what a paid subscription offers:

* Three newsletters a month exploring subjects related to healing, awakening, elderhood and spirituality. Two of these are exclusive to paid subscribers.

* Access to the full newsletter archives, covering topics such as Love with a capital L, menopause as a portal, transforming our wounds into wisdom, becoming an elder, death and dying, life transitions.

* Rituals, practices and a range of resources to support healing and awakening.

* You have the opportunity to be part of the online community of Soul Pilgrims, posting questions, sharing wisdom and exploring the awakening journey together.

* Early discounted places to my workshops.

And so much more…..

You are also welcome to subscribe for free and will still receive a monthly newsletter.

All Love, Donna 🙏🏾❤️🌻

“…if you travel far enough, one day you will recognise yourself coming down to meet yourself. And you will say – yes.”

Marion Woodman

Transition – a definition: ‘the process of changing from one state of being to another.’

Over the course of our lives as women, we will face many necessary transitions and the related periods of growth that accompany them. Moving from young adults to mature adulthood, from menstruation through to menopause, single to partnered, married to divorced, career to retirement. Many women will face the additional joys and challenges of pregnancy and motherhood, parenting through to empty nesting. Others however will find their life unfolds in a different direction. All of us (if we are lucky to be here long enough), will face the inevitable and natural process of ageing with all the inner and outer transformations this can bring. Change is inevitable.

During this one-day workshop, Donna and Frederique will guide you through a series of experiences to support you in navigating the transitions that you are currently facing with dignity and grace. You will leave this day with the resources you need to navigate all future life transitions and with a newfound sense of excitement and possibility about the next adventure of your life that is unfolding.

The workshop will include:

• The Heroine’s Journey – what Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz can teach you about Life and self-empowerment.

• How to grieve and honour your past, taking the gifts it offers you, whilst leaving behind what no longer serves you.

• Learning how to navigate life’s endings and beginnings with Grace and Dignity, remembering how with every death, there is always a rebirth.

• Exploring the essential ‘not knowing’ phase and the ways to surrender to it.

• Rituals to support you in crossing the different thresholds of your life, as you transition from one phase to another.

• Shifting from ego to Soul led living.

• Staying present whilst also looking forward with curiosity, excitement, possibility and hope.

• (Re)learning how to let Life Love you.

Sunday 8th September, 9.30am-4.30pm, West Sussex

£175, Incl. VAT. If you wish to join us book via link - Moving On Up

“You have to grieve the dreams of how your life would be,

so that you can live the dream that is your life. “

Donna Lancaster

And Finally….

Fancy Some Amsterdam Adventures?

My dear friend and colleague Frederique Bicker has a beautiful apartment in central Amsterdam to let from 1 week to 1 month between mid September to mid October 2024, whilst we both head off for work and play in LA. It is an absolutely stunning property that I have stayed in many times. Right next to the Vondelpark in a very peaceful part of the city and yet easy walking/cycling distance to the city centre (through the park). Two bikes are included in the rental.

A few pics above of the apartment, and if interested please email Frederique Bicker for more info.