The not knowing phase and beyond...
Letting go, inviting in....
It can feel hard to let go of things sometimes when they seem to be working well and you’re good at them. Like the decision I have made to stop delivering most of my 1 day workshops, many of which I have delivered for decades. For almost a year now I have been ‘surfing’ in my own ‘not knowing’ phase of life.
This is a kind of space that is somewhere between all that is known to us, and all that is new. It is a liminal space that sits between our familiar reality, with all of it’s (dis)comforts and outdated ways of being, and the terrifying and exciting possibility of what is yet to be co-created with Life. A bit like meeting a ‘stranger’ who somehow feels so very familiar. We know intuitively that we must stay here a while and get to know them.
The space that bridges these two shores of the known and the new, is an essential aspect of the change process that I call ‘the not knowing phase’. This space is where the ego hates to dwell, as it demands to move forward, marching on at full speed to the next big thing. ‘And right NOW thank you very much!’ The ego demands to know what will fill such an unseemly gap and what on earth comes next?! But instead it is here in the not knowing that we must linger a while, feeling all of the uncomfortable emotions and physical sensations that accompany such a mystery.
Letting Go…
Just as a trapeze artist knows that there is a moment where they must let go of one bar completely, before they can fully grasp the next. That exquisite moment where they could so easily fall but instead they trust, and find in that perfect dance with Life, that they are not falling after all, but in fact are flying.
And so it is with us. When we dare to have faith in Life and stay a moment more than we can stand in that liminal space, the not knowing magically transforms into the knowing.
Just.
Like.
That.
So here’s to the space in between.
‘It feels like falling but you’re actually flying’.
Richard Rohr
Beyond….
After a year in this uncomfortable and yet necessary liminal space, I was gifted a coaching session by the incredible career coach
and (finally!) began to get clearer about what I needed to focus on at this stage in my life.After so many years of supporting people in their healing process, it feels that it’s time to ‘pass the baton’ and let go of that side of my work, so that I can offer myself fully to the work that my Soul is being called to do right now. This work is more about awakening than healing, Phase 2 rather than phase 1, with my passions now really being about my writing (which is how my Soul speaks), and delivering work on subjects of midlife as Soul initiation, Elderhood, the Soul’s journey, clearing blocks to Love and discovering the Soul’s true purpose and then living it.
It can be so hard to let go sometimes though can’t it? Especially for the ego, and when what you are doing feels comfortable and pays your bills. The prison of the comfort zone. But if we don’t let go, how can we create space for something/someone new to arrive? (Only the ego hoards.) Luckily for me I trust in Life and when I look back at my human/ego journey so far, I can see how I have always been supported and guided one way or another. How I have always been shown the way and when I let go (AAAAAH!), the safety net really does appear…..
Bambi-legged Courage
So here I am kickstarting 2025, taking a big risk. Letting go and inviting in. And let’s be clear here, my courage is the Bambi-legged kind, not a brave, fearless warrior style. I am feeling fearful of taking this risk and my inner fear based voice is loud right now…(“Don’t do it!! You’ll be penniless and homeless within a month I tell you!!”)AND yet I have taken some deep breaths of courage and simply let go. Unsteadily I will wobble my way forwards in these coming months on my shaky courageous legs regardless.
To hold me steady I hold hands with both the Earth and the Divine, which gives me a real sense of both roots and wings.
Onwards and upwards we go….
Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It’s too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
And he pushed,
And they flew.Christopher Logue
Who or what are you preparing to let go of this year as part of your Soul’s purpose?
Clueless
Every deepening person reaches a point in their life when they believe they are absolutely clueless about themselves and life itself. They look in the mirror and have no idea who that is staring back at them. ‘Who the hell are you?’ They ask no one in particular.
‘What’s my purpose? How do I find meaning?’
Not a clue
‘Why do I still feel this way? Will this sadness ever end? And how on earth do I find my way back?’
Not a clue.
‘What should I do with my life? What are my next steps?’
‘Is there really a deeper meaning to it all?
What the hell is going on in this world…?!’
…..Tumbleweed…….
This not knowing phase is a painful but necessary part of deepening into life. To become absolutely lost as to who we are and what the hell is going on. To become certain about only one thing, and that is how little we know about anything.
The ego will of course put up a good fight. Fists at the ready. It will still try to control (bless), desperate to make sense of it all, to manipulate and speed up the process one way or another. (Good luck with that). Until eventually we, the clueless, have the sense to lower our flailing fists and simply surrender to this ‘not knowing’ phase of life. To say first to ourselves and then out loud ‘ I have absolutely no clue who I am, what I’m doing or where I’m going….’
And then just like that, as if by magic, a door quietly swings open…..
20% Discount on Annual Subscription - The gift that keeps on giving
To celebrate my 1st anniversary on Substack and express my gratitude to all of you who have joined me, I am offering a 20% discount off the annual membership. If you would like to (re)join our online community of people who are interested in exploring spirituality and awakening together, perhaps you might like to subscribe. You could also consider gifting this to someone you love…just because.
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