Staying Connected

The 6 layers of deep connection

Connection - a definition: ‘The state of being joined or connected in some way with someone or something, a sense of togetherness that offers strength and sustenance.’

The desire to connect is a fundamental human need that we all share. Regardless of what we might tell ourselves, we are all relational and tribal beings. Every single one of us. We belong in community and we belong together.

Given the ongoing challenging times we are facing, with so many of us feeling disconnected and isolated, we are unsurprisingly yearning for deeper connections to our lives, each other and to that which is ‘bigger than us’. Connection itself is so multi-faceted and has many layers to it.

Here’s a few to consider….

1. Connection to your body – so many of us live very disembodied lives, feeling a vast disconnect from our own bodies and treating them more like a machine to be fed, watered and exercised, rather than the miracles that they truly are. Finding ways to fully inhabit your body, opens up a deeper connection to life itself. Breath work, dance, 5 rhythms, yin yoga, massage and conscious sex can all offer an access point back to your very own miracle.

2. Connection to your heart – accessing your emotions through the conscious (re)opening of your bruised and battered heart. Moving beyond the limitations of your mind and your defences, to re-enter the symbolic heart with its vast capacity for emotional expression. Vulnerability and grieving are the portal to joy and peace. Good therapy and body work can be a great starting point for this.

3. Connection to the conscious mind – becoming aware of your mind’s abilities and limitations. To step back from habitual thinking and belief systems running on repeat in your head, is liberation itself. To notice yourself thinking and learn to question your thoughts, leads to connection with a deeper narrative way beyond the old, often boring stories. Unsurprisingly meditation and journalling can be a most helpful tool for this.

4. Connection to each other - actively seeking out ways to gather in community to share, laugh, love and heal together with like hearted souls. Find your people and be there for each other. Expanding your capacity for Love. Spreading random acts of kindness and compassion far and wide as you go. Moving beyond the small story of ‘me’ to the much bigger story of ‘We’.

5. Connection to nature and animals – Get back to the natural world and recognise your fundamental need to be regularly outside and present to the earth. Slow down and notice the abundance of the natural world. Reconnect to your wonder and awe. Fall deeply and madly in love with life, like a child. Where possible connect with animals too. You can learn a lot from observing a cat or dog do life.

6. Connection to Spirit – remembering the part of you that exists beyond your egoic mind and connects you to the bigger picture and the ‘otherness of Life’, (in whatever way this feels meaningful for you). Practicing daily rituals and prayers can support you to connect with the deeper meaning of existence and start to trust in Life again.

Ultimately, we need all 6 levels of connection to feel the true sense of safety and belonging that we yearn for. When regularly cultivated, these layers form a solid foundation from which to live our lives. They guide us back to remembering our wholeness and indeed our very humanity, and when the going gets tough they support us in becoming more centred and resilient, as we connect to what really matters.

“Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”

Brené Brown.

Here’s some simple and powerful ways to help deepen your own connections: 

• FACE TO FACE conversations - we need to keep talking to each other and ideally being together and seeing real people with real faces. This is what boosts our oxytocin levels and helps to reduce our stress and fears. So, if you can’t meet up with those you love in person, choose video calls over what’s app or phone calls. 

• SHARING meals and walks together. Listening, cooking, walking and talking with each other to feel seen, heard and understood. 

• GIFTS - sending those you love surprise gratitude notes, letters, flowers and gifts to stay connected. This giving and receiving works two ways and supports you both to feel that you matter and belong. 

• ACTS OF SERVICE - finding ways to support other people within your community or the wider world. A great way to bring more meaning and purpose to your life. 

• COMMUNITY - join groups, workshops and retreats, learn a new skill, focus on your personal development. Find your people. Working, growing and playing together makes all the difference.

• PHYSICAL CONTACT - get regular hugs and touch from friends and family. Book a massage for touch too or stroke a pet. If you don’t have one, try to arrange a regular cuddle with a loving pet. A huge oxytocin boost awaits you! 

• LAUGHTER - no matter how dark it may feel at times, regular periods of humour and lightness are so important. Big belly laughs with others or watching a great comedy will do it. 

• MOVEMENT & EXPRESSION - sing, dance, shake, run, write poetry, play music. Whatever gets you up and moving and allows you to access and release your emotions. 

• NATURE - no surprises here but daily connections to nature are as essential as the food we eat and water we drink. If you live in a city, try to walk regularly in the park and buy some plants.

• SPIRITUAL EXPLORATION - taking up or building upon a meditation or spiritual practice of some kind and committing to it. Allowing yourself to become curious and open to spirituality, which in itself, offers the ultimate form of connection. 

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“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.”

Brené Brown

photo by Emma Benson

A Space To Connect

From Sunday 12^th May, I will be launching a one day retreat in West Sussex called ‘Soul-Full Sunday’. This will be an opportunity for spiritual seekers and those on an awakening path to gather together in community to connect, meditate, explore topics related to spirituality, pray, sing, dance and giggle. All with a lightness of Spirit and depth of the Soul. 

If this calls to you, come join us. £95pp (or pay what you can if you need this).

Email: info@deepeningintolife.com to book your spot. 

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Maybe Try This…..

…if you feel disconnected and lonely, walk in nature long enough to feel something else. It may take a while, so keep walking. It’s a pilgrimage for your Soul.

…if you feel miserable and angry, then try dancing like a wild woman to angry music, until you feel the anger and sadness underneath being transmuted into passion and joy. It might take a while so commit to dancing like this for 5 minutes every day for a month. Make a note of how you feel before and after. 

….if you long for a deeper connection to the otherness of life, learn how to pray imperfectly and then pay attention.

….if you ache for someone to hold you, dare to ask a trusted friend to join you in bed for a cuddle. Take it in turns to give and receive safe Love in this way and feel how your heart begins to heal. 

…if you know that truth is stuck in your throat, take up singing, chanting or karaoke until the truth is unleashed. Listen to songs of truth and power, then sing along loudly….’At first I was afraid, I was petrified….’

….if you have hurt those you love and find it hard to say you’re sorry, write it down. Write letters to each of your children and parents. Let them know what’s really in your heart. Finish your business.

….if you have told your story many times without changing it, try writing down a new narrative. Imagining what you would have done differently if you could have. Become the heroine of your old story rather than the victim and see how that feels. 

….if you’re eating your feelings, try expressing them instead. Step away from the buns and let your grief be digested. 

…..if you haven’t thanked your parents lately for your very life, and they are still alive, put your wounded ego to one side and go do it. They will be dead soon and you’ll regret it, if you don’t. Trust me. 

….if you are using words as weapons to hurt and harm, especially towards yourself. Stop it. It’s abuse and you are a bully. So just stop it. Now. 

…if you want to feel more lightness in your life, start being more grateful. I mean really grateful. And also stop taking yourself so seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself, you’re hilarious. 

Maybe try this…..

#wordsbydonnalancaster @donnalancs

www.deepeningintolife.com

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