Love with a Capital L
What it takes to BE Love in the World.
A Truth Teller’s Intro….(listen to audio above for more on this)
I feel called to begin by sharing with you how difficult I have found writing this piece. Partly because I am trying to give words to something that is for me, beyond words. Attempting to describe what I call Divine Love, is like trying to describe air. On the other hand, I have so much to write about this subject that I have been tumbling over my words and over complicating things. (I may well revisit this subject again if it proves of interest to you, so do let me know). Meanwhile, with the help of the wise counsel of my sister (thanks Corinne), I have rewritten it several times, each time shedding the excess and becoming a little bit clearer (mirroring life).
What I share with you below is the imperfect offering that I hope gives you at least some sense of the message I am trying to convey. My guess is that even if my less than eloquent words do not make sense to you from a ‘neck up’ perspective, you will feel the truth of these words, and what lies in between them, land in your heart. Because the heart, as we all know, is the gateway to Love, and Love isn’t interested in ‘perfection’. So here I go, speaking from my heart to yours….imperfectly.
Sometimes my heart feels too big for my body. Like it’s simply too full of Love to fit inside my chest. There are all wonders of the world in there, from the snail I saw on my morning walk, my prayers continuing to be answered, and the nostalgic taste of a sherbet lemon. Then there’s the peonies unfolding on my desk as I type, to the miracle of my body every morning as I wake, (I can wee and see! F**k me!). And let’s not forget the additional poetry of my grandson’s giggle, which is the closest evidence I’ve experienced so far that God exists.
At other times, when I’m feeling angry, hurt or afraid, my heart seems to shrink in size and reduce in temperature, so that I forget to notice or care about the many outfits that Love wears and shares. As I get caught up in my hurt feelings and the egoic story I’m believing in that (sleepy) moment, I find I can only love with a little ‘l’. Gratitude and Wonder, those very close cousins of Love, become briefly lost to me, as I become lost to myself. On I will snooze until the next precious moment when Love nudges me awake again, and I return to weeping at the miracle of being able to wee and see. (WOW!)
Through time and experience I have gathered that this appears to be the way of an awakening journey - to remember, then forget, remember again, forget again, forget some more, and then remember! What a ride. I’ve noticed when in a remembering phase, that my heart expands even wider, and I fall deeper in Love with Life, through my capacity to feel and express heartfelt gratitude, with every prayer of ‘Wow’ or ‘Thank you’ that I make. Sometimes in the more difficult ‘cold’ seasons, this might involve me clinging onto those 2 cousins, Gratitude and Wonder, like a life raft, to ensure that I don’t drown. They are undoubtedly the defibrillator that helps bring my heart back to Life when I’ve slipped into the ‘forgetting’, but it is grief itself that is the portal to Love with a capital L.
I have discovered that only in grieving for all that we have lost and missed out on in life, are we able to fully appreciate the abundance of Life (not just our own), and how Divine Love sits beneath everything. Even, or perhaps especially, in the dirt.
“You have to grieve the dreams of how your life would be, so that you can live the dream that is your Life.”