As some of you may know since I turned 55 back in 2022, I began to describe myself as an ‘Elder in Training’. For this newsletter I wanted to share with you a little of what it means to me to become an Elder, and why true Elders are so important (and lacking) in our world today.
An Elder for me is someone who has grown both older AND wiser. Sadly, too many people only grow older, and spend their later years lamenting the loss of their youth, always looking backwards for what has or might have been, without taking the necessary gifts of their life as it is, and the teachings wrapped up within their struggles. My parents were like this and perhaps yours were/are too. All trauma, drama and struggle with no self-reflection, grieving or healing. They lived and died frozen inside at 5 years old, give or take. In their defence, many of our parents and grandparents before them, did not grow up in the generation of personal development, therapy, and healing. They had neither the education, funds, time, nor access to free support, in the way that many of us have today. Most of them were too busy surviving to look backwards in order to move forwards, especially those traumatised by the ripple effects of war.
Today however is a very different story, with an abundance of free offerings including podcasts, YouTube clips, TV series, IG quotes and online/IRL courses, available for all those who want to do the inner work. But that’s the issue you see…so many people don’t want to. They don’t want to feel the pain of their past to heal it, rather than pass it on, and I get it I really do. Grief work is hard, painful, and scary, but to be honest it is nowhere near as scary as living half the life you were meant to live. I would also add that grieving is temporary, whereas unprocessed grief can last a whole lifetime. Tough Love words I know, but this is also part of my role as an Elder.
Emotional Arrested Development as a Culture
So instead of healing and maturing, people often end up getting older without becoming wiser. They simply become the elderly, rather than the Elders, unconsciously carrying their unprocessed pain around with them, bleeding it out wherever they go. These people find nothing hidden within their life story and pain to learn and grow from, and perhaps most importantly to hand down to the next generation. Instead, they must use addictive substances and behaviours to avoid this painful reality and keep running, numbing, blaming, and hiding.